Yes, the debate between Taylor Ham and Pork Roll is so famous that the Hatfields and McCoys would want to take heed. Even though President Trump has occasionally touched on divisive subjects while in office, resolving this dispute through executive order would solidify his reputation as the Divider-in-Chief (or Uniter-in-Chief, depending on your viewpoint).
Imagine the commotion when Executive Order EO-123-TAYLOR-ROLL is issued, officially designating one name as the most contentious breakfast meat in New Jersey. While South Jersey Pork Roll aficionados might demonstrate by burning bagels outside Trenton, North Jersey Taylor Ham acolytes would cheer for justice. In the center,
Central Jersey would simply be content to have their morning sandwich in peace, if there is any controversy about issuing another executive order.
Twitter would, of course, blow up. Within minutes, hashtags like #TeamPorkRoll, #TaylorHamTruthers, and the unavoidable #MakeBreakfastGreatAgain would become popular. As customers demanded loyalty to their side, deli counters throughout the state prepared for the effect. The sole winners in this case? Diners and bagel shops will notice a surge in sales as people flocked to comment on this momentous occasion.
The question is, though: should this holy dispute actually be settled? The constant teasing about what to call that fatty, salty disc of morning bliss is one of the things that makes New Jersey so charming.
It’s a statewide inside joke and a unifying battle. In addition, what will happen after this is resolved? An executive decree that forbids discussions on which Wawa produces the best hoagies? We must avoid tempting fate.
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